Habits for a Husband, Findings for a Father
Ideas of how to raise a family
For men today, it can often be nerve-racking to become a father and to raise a family, especially when there seems to be little time to plan, little support in place and little incentives from your friends and much discouragement from your family. However, with careful attention and precise thinking, one can create a framework—rather, a list of ideas —to live by.
This list was created in part by watching and paying close attention to the habits and behaviours of parents and young couples.
Such a framework is not constructed over a day. We are creatures of habit and habits —when multiplied over and over again— make up all our relationships. I hope that you enjoy this list, and take from it an expanded list of your own for you and your family.
That being said, I may not be able to live the life I always wanted as a child (and why the hell should we??) But my children might be able to.
Wife
Love your wife.
Have the bloody fight! Get it over with!
What do you need? What do you want in a marriage?
Show her everyday that you love her and that you care about her.
Have a sh*t tonne of children. (Edited: within reason. I mention “sh*t tonne” mainly in response to the persistent mantra that having any number of kids is horrible, humiliating and degrading. Have children within reason).
A wedding is not an excuse to be a self-centred and self-serving deva (bride), focus on your wedding guests being happy.
Present a united front to your children. Even if you disagree with her, your wife should be on your side.
Saturday Date night.
Never disagree or argue with each other in public.
Don’t humiliate your spouse in public (in private, yes! Go for it!)
It’s not about asking “how many kids do you want?” You should just have unprotected sex with someone you want to build a family with, and see what God brings. (Edited: use NFP)
Children’s rights come before the immediate, self-interest of adults.
No reality TV shows.
Take your time. Have those moments of silence where you empty your thoughts and start again.
Mother and baby child take the bike instead of the bus. ( for health, exercise flexibility, bonding, and avoiding busy, dangerous and uncomfortable buses: a bus is essentially a big scary metal contraption that throws you around and shakes you about the place).
In social circles, have your wife sit next to you. In group pictures, have your wife be next to you.
Don’t be that guy who takes pictures of her for her instagram. (Take them with a good camera and print them out for both of you and your families)
Don’t keep scorecard with your wife. Show gratitude to your wife (makes sure she shows gratitude to you).
You do what your friends do. Living on one income will change your social life. You won’t be in the centre of town. You won’t have all those Netflix/Prime subsciptions. You won’t buy the latest iPhone. You won’t have the luxury handbags or fancy clothes. You’ll live modestly when you’re on one income, and you’ll live meaningfully.
Discuss admin and finances. How much do you earn? How much do you spend? How much do you invest?
Open a joint bank account and commit to running it.
Have time where you sit at a table where you plan and discuss things.
You can go to bed angry, get some rest, schedule a productive time to hash out after you’re rested and have slept.
When you go out, never ever split the bill
Catch your spouse doing good things and reward hr for it.
Babies & Children
Don’t scandalise your children.
Command respect in your home. Most of parenting is teaching kids to do things that they don’t want to do (chores, behaviour, moral and ethical choices). Do not become your kid’s peers. You are not on the same level as them.
Don’t discipline your children in front of people, they will be humiliated and they will lose trust in you.
Don’t give screens, tablet or phone until age of 16. No screen time. It robs them of their thoughts, humanity and beauty. It robs them of thinking. (Give dumb phone, where they can only contact certain numbers (you and family).
You do not have to spoil your one baby child with enormous amount of clothes, blankets, food etc.
Don’t bring your baby or kids to a heavily busy city centre.
In your church, take your noisy kids outside! They’re noise is disturbing everyone. You are not turning away from Jesus by removing you and your child from church. Take time to discipline your child. Don’t let your children’s tantrums blackmail you: “If I just do what they say, they’ll stop crying, they’ll behave and stop annoying me and everyone else.” Don’t be a bad parent, take them out and teach them that that behaviour is not acceptable in front of Jesus and amidst people in prayer.
No baby vaccines (question the vaccine)
Bring your kids to peaceful public places i.e. churches, library, work etc. Have your children around you at work and travel.
Only one main activity/sport at a time per child (allow an additional activity if needed).
Don’t buy baby food, have kids eat what you eat with smaller portions.
Don’t go on expensive days out, just spend time with them, they only want you.
You can still attend to your kids while lying down when you’re tired, read to them, talk to them.
Vet films for “sex scenes” before putting on film. (Or cut them out entirely by replacing the CD)
Gifts and presents that allow children to produce things (instrument, poetry, microscope, telescope, tools, etc), not things that produce things of their own (ie be in control of them) and make them consume all this unearned content.
Do not send your child to a public school.
Let children explore, play and do things by themselves, you don’t have to hover over them. Don’t always help them, tell them to give it a go. Try!
Drill it in that work is necessary for life.
Don’t be a strict family. They will go crazy when they are free. Grasp loosely.
Watch the really really really old children films with children.
Take children to library.
Encourage your kids to share and love each other.
Buy milk, not juice (it’s far cheaper and more nourishing)
Have children say “sir, mam” or “Mr, Mrs, Miss” to adults.
Do not put pictures of your children online.
Don’t bully your kids.
Read your children old fairy tales e.g. Little Red Riding Hood, Beauty and the Beast
Teach your children to pick up litter wherever you are.
Be aware, understand and take action.
Catch your children doing good things and reward them for it.
Daughters
Teach your daughter how to dance ceilidh (only allow her to dance with other boys or men at your discretion, after a certain age).
Teach your daughter the realities of feminism and its demonic powers to destroy the family: they have an obligation to men, including her father and her brothers.
Sing with your daughter new songs with music or an instrument.
If daughter goes to university, look for highest male:female ratio.
Be careful what clothes you give your daughter, many coats and jackets are cut short to show butt and sexualise children.
Tell your daughter to look for a husband: he has to be “reliable, trustworthy, honest and Catholic”
Daughters do not need makeup, they need to just keep their face clean. I don’t care if it’s fun, it’s bad and a waste of time and it’s really bad for their skin and their face.
Vet your daughter’s friends and tell her that she can’t be friends with them if they are a bad influence - offer alternative friends.
Sons
Annual boys trip (4-5 days).
5 min shower for boys.
As a Whole
Black and White TV: to avoid hedonism, luxury and distraction and over-stimulation. You need to bond with family and with yourself.
Jigsaw puzzle at Christmas.
Jazz and choral music in the background.
House games.
Have dinner with the family, and then sing songs with the family.
Hold hands as a family.
Origami (paper popper).
Packed lunches on couple and family trips, don’t go to cafes or restaurants: homemade cookies, cut fruit, sandwiches, chopped carrots, in boxes, wrapped in tinfoil.
All black or white sock, all the same size. All black pants, all the same size - easier and faster for laundry.
It’s important to do things together rather than individually in the home: watching TV, eating dinner and breakfast.
Thank you for reading my list of ideas on easy (and difficult) habits you can do to raise a family. My main priority, as it stands, is to get married and have lots of children. (Edited: Above all, love God and love your wife).
